sea salt tears swimming round as the rain comes down

so apparently my life is over. my very short life.
naomi says i write like annie dillard. "have you ever read her?" she asks.
no, no i have not. but i don't need to. my career is over, in fact, it has already been done for me. there goes all of my uniqueness. and i thought i was being experimental. WRONG!
my professor says that annie dillard bemoans a writer's condition, and she writes as one wallowing in self-pity. somehow, i am not flattered.
however, my professor also said that my story was phenomenal and he was riveted from the opening.
brilliant.
so if you would like to know anything about me, pick up annie dillard. perhaps i should read her. that would almost make her, in my world, posthumous to my own writing career. and i will wonder as i read, "my gosh, why didn't i ever publish what i wrote? well, i suppose there was no need; she has done it for me."

i'm editing this post, bc there's more i want to tell you. i just don't know about this GRE. i keep making stupid mistakes. it's because i think i'm so smart. honestly, i just glaze over things, knowing that i'm completely right and happy in my brilliance, except i'm wrong, almost EVERY FREAKING TIME. this pride, it gets in the way sometimes. it's baggage; good for self-confidence but man, there is obviously some dissonance between the world as is and the world as i think it acquiesces to my every whim.
ALSO, funny things of late:
=the entire semi truck i saw fenced in someone's back yard as i drove through the neighborhood
=the boy at the take-out window who wanted to take me out (he was like twelve; apparently he thought i was thirteen and had blackmailed my sibling for the car. besides, people who serve fast food should not pick up on people who eat fast food. they will have fat children.)
=the way i didn't get to go sledding down the icy streets last night (NOT funny, actually)
=the way the boy in starbucks, standing next to a girl he was obviously attracted to (me) told her about how he had to pull three cars out of ditches bc of the snow very ostentatiously, as if that's all a woman wants, a hero to pull her out of ditches (he must read John Eldridge)
=the way my friend told me the best book she's ever read was by John Eldridge (that was more sad than anything; and i was kidding about the whole attraction/me/boy in starbucks thing, so just CALM DOWN. i mean it actually happened, but...well, whatever.)
=the czech man i met in starbucks who used to be a count before the russians ran him out of his home in wwII and told me he lacked fear. he was funny, but quite an interesting case study to listen to. he didn't know i studied psychology. i don't think he ever asked me one question except to start the conversation about himself. but he was really interesting. was he lying to me? i don't know. apparently i'm bad at picking out the compulsive liars and not dating them. but i'm not dating him, so i guess that means he's probably not a compulsive liar.
=i had a bad bad very bad day so i drank a coffee instead of tea, and i've been shaking, sweating, and nervous ever since. that's not really funny. that's just weird.