a short novel concerning myself, part I

(since we are on the subject of ourselves)

foreword: for the sake of everyone, and because mary also wanted me to have one, mary has made me a myspace page, and in return i made naomi one. this means that you will no longer be subject to my sentimentality on the nation, but instead if you become my friend may potentially be able to read the crap that i write elsewhere. but may i just declare one thing of late that i find rather disconcerting? naomi has taken herself off of the internet; that's right, deleted all of her pages. that pisses me off, especially since i don't know what the hell's going on in my friends' lives and she doesn't even respond to my emails. furthermore, mary thought it would be cool to make her myspace page private, which means you can't check on her anymore without signing in, which i don't necessarily want to do. so now, somehow, i'm even more disconnected, and can't even be included in weekend visits. i don't know what could be neater. (naomi, you should check your page out, it's cool...sort of) end foreword.

much has happened since i spoke to any of you last. but just so i don't detract from attention to anyone else, i will make this short and sweet:
i redecorated my room (thank God).
got another random email from a boy i worked with years ago. this is getting funny.
didn't get a job.
got a different job that lasts through may, pays through august, and pays sucky at that.
decided that sucky pay is good for me because i don't NEED a passat, just want one and have decided that i don't need to be a spoiled snob, because i'm snobby enough already.
decided not to be a snob anymore.
finished applying to grad schools, pending one recommendation, one exam, and the potential for interviews.
celebrated my self-declared independence day.
went to the doctor who told me i have an "impressive infection," which is, impressively, still holding on to my body. impressive it was indeed: it attacked everything in my face and neck, and my glands were all swelled up like a sea-gull on alka seltzer. (yes, i know that's poor grammar, but writing, dear, is an art for the ear) they still are a bit.
realized that living at home is bad bc i have the most amazing mother and a kind father and when i live with them, i expect everyone else to be so thoughtful and have higher expectations of others that they can't fulfill.
put my cat to sleep, which was one of the most heartwrenching things i've ever had to do. i felt like i was offering that thing in my life which bodily represents everything i know as purely good, innocent, and worth hoping for over to death. i went in with him so he wouldn't be scared; and now this house feels very empty and i go through my days without stopping, just taking care of business, not really stopping to appreciate life. i don't think i will ever value another non-human creature that way, which is sad only because oli's gone. there is comfort in nothing except that i trust my Creator is one who does not create life in order to destroy it. i've had, what? six family deaths? but i don't think it's until something you hold incredibly near to yourself, and have all your life, dies, does the temporal all feel a bit less stable.
decided that this place is working me out of itself, and therefore have made this plan: i will work here until my job ends, move to the place where i intend to attend school (probably mid june), get paid through august while i'm looking for a job, get an apartment with a friend, and do what i have to do. europe is nixed out of this plan, but no one was really excited about going to europe with me anyway. so i guess i will wait until...another day. but this means you can stop sending emails with demands of ransom or threats of blackmail in order to get me to move to california.
and now i'm off to either leave town or go to the movies by myself. i can't decide which.
end of part I.