Up/down/up/down/up/down

I am in a sad sad mood. I don't know why. I wrote you all (both) an email. Darkness everywhere . . . it's scary!
Perhaps I should go to bed. 'Jumping on the bed, we go crazy. Jumping on the bed, we ain't lazy. You throw a pillow, we start a fight. We're gonna be dancing all through the night.' -Wendy Luce, from "Jumping on the bed" 1988 or thereabouts.
I love Wendy. I also love Liz and Mary and Kevin and Molly and my family and Matt, if he ever thinks about me anymore, well, regardless of whether he thinks about me, Anna and Rebekah, and Daniel, Adam most of all. I know you Liz are worried about me because you think I am depressed, but that is the worst thing, yes? I would never hurt myself because I love all of you. Plus, I'm not that depressed, just tonight. I wish we could chose moments in which to live forever, you know, frozen in a feeling. I would choose this one. Just kidding. But I really do wish that, question: which one would you choose? I told you both mine today. Either that, or one, a boy was standing in front of me, I hugged him goodnight, and then just looked at him, because I was in love with him, I think. He looked at me, and then looked down, and smiled, said, 'what?' but then flashed his eyes up at me, smiling, like we kept safe the best secret in the world, and it was something to just laugh about, forever, some sacred and playful thing. I don't know if he felt it, but I felt it, and I could stand there forever as he flashed his eyes at me, half-smiling.
I'm sorry, for many things, please talk to me soon, I miss you all (both, if no one else reads this).