Silence would be better
I deleted my other blog. Why? Because I post mainly for the two of you anyway, and it is a waste of effort to have two, one for you guys and the other for you guys.
I saw a hot boy today and thought of Liz, because I think Liz will date someone hot someday, because she is artistic. He had good style, there are not many boys in Napa with good style. People in Napa wear khakis and tee shirts, not at all tight like they should be. But this boy was skinny and had on tight clothes and awesome sunglasses. And he was with a girl, which mande me think, shit, I should have a hot boyfriend! But then I remembered how shallow that was, and that every boy (what, like both?) that I've liked has not been so ridiculously good-looking, and I would probably not be so lucky, and it would be nice enough to fall in love, actually so nice that I don't even care what he looks like, or if he has good style. But Liz, you might have a hot boyfriend some day, lucky you. That boy at the Denver airport wins hands-down most attractive boy ever. You should have seen him close-up. His eyes were amazing blue looking out from under longish hair, smoking a clove, again, his clothes were fitted as they should be.
After I saw the boy, I went to the coffee shop to read Polanyi. So I am geeky, and I felt like the geeky boys who think that they should be with supermodel girls, drool hanging out and important things in life fading behind computers and dissatisfaction with what could be good for them.
And then I started thinking, am I such a man? I have no feminine qualities, besides that I like boys, I'm like the analytic monster that will rip out your heart with my teeth, I'm like those 80s business suits with shoulderpads, learning how to survive in the man's world, the best way I know how: as a man. But then I thought, I cry when I get mad, and that's a start.
I had a dream about Luke, he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, I followed shyly, he laughed at those who castigated him; I watched in admiration. I think this shows my other feminine qualities, specifically, I want to join in his adventure, I want to cower in the shadow of his strength, and most of all, I want to feel beautiful. Thank you John Eldridge, I think I've found my deep heart (not soul, Liz, dammit! Not soul!). I should call Luke and marry him. He is an artist you know. I'm going to bed, I should have done this half and hour ago.
I saw a hot boy today and thought of Liz, because I think Liz will date someone hot someday, because she is artistic. He had good style, there are not many boys in Napa with good style. People in Napa wear khakis and tee shirts, not at all tight like they should be. But this boy was skinny and had on tight clothes and awesome sunglasses. And he was with a girl, which mande me think, shit, I should have a hot boyfriend! But then I remembered how shallow that was, and that every boy (what, like both?) that I've liked has not been so ridiculously good-looking, and I would probably not be so lucky, and it would be nice enough to fall in love, actually so nice that I don't even care what he looks like, or if he has good style. But Liz, you might have a hot boyfriend some day, lucky you. That boy at the Denver airport wins hands-down most attractive boy ever. You should have seen him close-up. His eyes were amazing blue looking out from under longish hair, smoking a clove, again, his clothes were fitted as they should be.
After I saw the boy, I went to the coffee shop to read Polanyi. So I am geeky, and I felt like the geeky boys who think that they should be with supermodel girls, drool hanging out and important things in life fading behind computers and dissatisfaction with what could be good for them.
And then I started thinking, am I such a man? I have no feminine qualities, besides that I like boys, I'm like the analytic monster that will rip out your heart with my teeth, I'm like those 80s business suits with shoulderpads, learning how to survive in the man's world, the best way I know how: as a man. But then I thought, I cry when I get mad, and that's a start.
I had a dream about Luke, he jumped from rooftop to rooftop, I followed shyly, he laughed at those who castigated him; I watched in admiration. I think this shows my other feminine qualities, specifically, I want to join in his adventure, I want to cower in the shadow of his strength, and most of all, I want to feel beautiful. Thank you John Eldridge, I think I've found my deep heart (not soul, Liz, dammit! Not soul!). I should call Luke and marry him. He is an artist you know. I'm going to bed, I should have done this half and hour ago.
posted by naomo | 11:35 PM
3 Comments:
I hate that you deleted your other blog. i know it was primarily a medium through which to share your thoughts with the most important people in the world (namely us) but still, i feel like you reverting to the group blog is in someway a consession to the beast of conformity and an expression of a felt need to belong. you will always belong. that is why you are Special, N! but because you are special, you should also have a forum in which you can be an individual. what good is a nation if it is full of like minded people?
if you insist on leaving us with only this blog on which to read your mind, please change the color scheme. I don't care for the pink and boring white and gray. besides, it does not really suit any of us.
I also hate those jackets with shoulder pads. those things are wide enough to land jet planes on! If you are going to be a female trying to monopolize on the man's world via fashion, i suggest you start back in the 20's and 30's when women started wearing men's pants instead of dresses. it is not as vividly mascuilne, but it is not so hideous either. but if you must go 80's, promise me you'll never rat your hair or use aqua net. nasty.
No, I think that good-looking boys with style and you will go well together, since you are artistic and so are they, not that artists necessarily end up dating someone.
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