please excuse this interruption of your normal broadcast

i think i'm in love with sufjan stevens.
in addition to that breaking news, mary has 17 boyfriends and went out with one last night, and boys freak me out. there are like three who i feel are moving into my territory like stalking lions, and that seriously freaks me out. so i had to get out of there. i'm moving to bermuda; come and find me there where we will all live on an island with the other social exiles where we will make our own subsociety...you guys can wait until you're married i guess, but you better do it quick--you don't want me going crazy while you're gone. mary says i need to learn to leave doors open, so be sure to bring a door, someone. and please don't text me when you're looking for me; just call, i'm over my texting limit. it happens every month. it's bad news.