"Are you just getting your master's?"

Of course, the answer is simply yes, but that doesn't mean I can't get annoyed at the question. It seems to me that people just assume that I have no ambition beyond master's level work, and sorry to beat a dead horse but it is true, that it is because I am a woman. I highly doubt any of the men in my program get asked this multiple times per quarter by their students. Frankly, I am a bit tired of being a 'woman in science,' having answers to questions I ask be directed to the male in the room, as if I couldn't understand the answer. And I am tired of this feeling that I must constantly prove myself, because everyone will assume I am just a bit less intelligent than the men until I demonstrate otherwise. It's like I've been relegated to mediocrity from the beginning. And I am excited to do what I am doing, I am glad to get a PhD in philosophy of science, because it is really what I want to do, and I am glad to be earning a master's in physics. I just wish I could leave without people thinking, 'Oh, she couldn't make it here.' Because I could. Not to be arrogant, I just know I could, if I wanted to. I almost want to stick around just to show people. But I also just want to leave, because of the damage it is doing to my self confidence. Really, I know it sounds kind of stupid, but I was much more confident when I came into the program than I am now. And I've done fine, especially considering how lacking I was in prepatory coursework, I've done fantastic. So I don't know why I feel of average intelligence now.
My teacher told me to make sure and tell the philosophy of science people that this is not a 'Plan B' type thing, something I am doing because physics didn't work out. And I know he's right, because everyone assumes that philosophy is a fallback. It just makes me mad because I never thought that I had to tell people that I am doing this because I want to. Part of me says, 'Shouldn't my grades, my courseload, and awards, my obvious interest in philosophy, all of this, speak for itself?' But apparently that's not good enough, I need strait A's AND a y-chromosome to be really impressive, to inspire confidence. Poor ME!! Poor, poor, me!!
Okay, I'm done complaining about that. Hey, it's much better now than it was fifty years ago. MY COMPUTER IS ALIVE!! And I am typing on my brand-new keyboard, which was the problem. So nothing can bother me now, not all the misogynists in the world! And WENDY is coming to town, and Bethany too, and Jared and Adam and Nana, EVERYONE except Mark. My whole family.

A POEM

Yes, I am just getting my master's.
And I will just punch you in the face with my
huge muscles, because I DEFY gender stereotypes
and little boys who think that they are
smarter than me. Because I am

the smartest ever, and my computer works,
because I only spilled a little bit of water
on it, not a lot, because I am skilled
like that.

A POEM (VICARIOUS: MARY)

Yes, I have the best job ever, because
I looked for it for months and when you said
'You can't do it' or 'Work at Starbucks' I said
'NO DAMN YOU' and now I have the best job

ever. And I will do the same thing
with the best boyfriend ever because I am
like a tiger, and I crouch in silence
until my moment comes and then I
pounce.

A POEM (VICARIOUS: LIZ)

Yes, I hate my job and you can't make me
like it, because my cup is empty, which means
that it is not half full. But I will go
on and do great things because I have dug in the dirt

of life. You, however, have lived in your doll's
house with your doll's furniture and are much to be
pitied because you will die without living. I stand
triumphant on the mountain of life, even in my sadness,
because I am a raging (female) stallion (okay, doesn't exist,
WHATEVER) and the world with all its wild terrain belongs to
me.

Okay, long post! I think you are DONE!