Why Christmas trees are good for the world

#1 They bring the outside inside. We need more of that. In fact, I am going to chop down a whole forest and bring it inside my house. That way, it will feel like the outside with the luxury of climate control.

#2 They are pretty, and make people smile. And they smell nice.

#3 There is a lack of natural things in the world. 'Why have real boobs when I can just buy some PERFECT fake ones?' So we need a reminder that the imperfect and natural is more beautiful.

#4 It probably causes more harm to the environment to manufacture plastic trees and then dispose of them when the plastic pine needles come off than to cut down a tree every year.

#5 Cutting down trees prevents forest fires.

#6 Soda likes it, and chews on the pine needles.

#7 I want to date/be a lumberjack. Don't you?