Finally!

Someone had the courage to ask me to dinner. It's about dang time.

Time for a career Change

Hello Liz you ideal job is a Pub landlord


I got this at jobpredictor.com

Up/down/up/down/up/down

I am in a sad sad mood. I don't know why. I wrote you all (both) an email. Darkness everywhere . . . it's scary!
Perhaps I should go to bed. 'Jumping on the bed, we go crazy. Jumping on the bed, we ain't lazy. You throw a pillow, we start a fight. We're gonna be dancing all through the night.' -Wendy Luce, from "Jumping on the bed" 1988 or thereabouts.
I love Wendy. I also love Liz and Mary and Kevin and Molly and my family and Matt, if he ever thinks about me anymore, well, regardless of whether he thinks about me, Anna and Rebekah, and Daniel, Adam most of all. I know you Liz are worried about me because you think I am depressed, but that is the worst thing, yes? I would never hurt myself because I love all of you. Plus, I'm not that depressed, just tonight. I wish we could chose moments in which to live forever, you know, frozen in a feeling. I would choose this one. Just kidding. But I really do wish that, question: which one would you choose? I told you both mine today. Either that, or one, a boy was standing in front of me, I hugged him goodnight, and then just looked at him, because I was in love with him, I think. He looked at me, and then looked down, and smiled, said, 'what?' but then flashed his eyes up at me, smiling, like we kept safe the best secret in the world, and it was something to just laugh about, forever, some sacred and playful thing. I don't know if he felt it, but I felt it, and I could stand there forever as he flashed his eyes at me, half-smiling.
I'm sorry, for many things, please talk to me soon, I miss you all (both, if no one else reads this).

how excellent is my car?

i just discovered (yes, after 7 1/2 years) that my car has a foot rest for my left leg while i'm driving. that would've been nice to know during all of those 18 hour drives. i do love my car; it's too bad he's on his way out...

I'm a Sell-Out

So I did it. I finally gave in and downloaded itunes. I didn't want to do it. It is so damn trendy. ipods too. I don't have one of thoes and I doubt I'll get one any time soon. But since I have conceeded to the apple enemy, you might as well give me itunes gift cards for my brithday. You can save on shipping, that is, if you are not going to be with me for my birthday.

For liz

You should take this test....

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

look what i found just now:

oh, i'm still laughing.

i wish we were together right now. we would be dancing interpretively. ...okay, i'm doing by myself, but it'd be better if someone was with me.

Chinese New Year count down....

Your Fortune Is

Woman who wear G-string is high on crack.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

Remember we were going to make fortune cookies? Just a reminder, Chinese New Year is on January 29th

a short novel concerning myself, part I

(since we are on the subject of ourselves)

foreword: for the sake of everyone, and because mary also wanted me to have one, mary has made me a myspace page, and in return i made naomi one. this means that you will no longer be subject to my sentimentality on the nation, but instead if you become my friend may potentially be able to read the crap that i write elsewhere. but may i just declare one thing of late that i find rather disconcerting? naomi has taken herself off of the internet; that's right, deleted all of her pages. that pisses me off, especially since i don't know what the hell's going on in my friends' lives and she doesn't even respond to my emails. furthermore, mary thought it would be cool to make her myspace page private, which means you can't check on her anymore without signing in, which i don't necessarily want to do. so now, somehow, i'm even more disconnected, and can't even be included in weekend visits. i don't know what could be neater. (naomi, you should check your page out, it's cool...sort of) end foreword.

much has happened since i spoke to any of you last. but just so i don't detract from attention to anyone else, i will make this short and sweet:
i redecorated my room (thank God).
got another random email from a boy i worked with years ago. this is getting funny.
didn't get a job.
got a different job that lasts through may, pays through august, and pays sucky at that.
decided that sucky pay is good for me because i don't NEED a passat, just want one and have decided that i don't need to be a spoiled snob, because i'm snobby enough already.
decided not to be a snob anymore.
finished applying to grad schools, pending one recommendation, one exam, and the potential for interviews.
celebrated my self-declared independence day.
went to the doctor who told me i have an "impressive infection," which is, impressively, still holding on to my body. impressive it was indeed: it attacked everything in my face and neck, and my glands were all swelled up like a sea-gull on alka seltzer. (yes, i know that's poor grammar, but writing, dear, is an art for the ear) they still are a bit.
realized that living at home is bad bc i have the most amazing mother and a kind father and when i live with them, i expect everyone else to be so thoughtful and have higher expectations of others that they can't fulfill.
put my cat to sleep, which was one of the most heartwrenching things i've ever had to do. i felt like i was offering that thing in my life which bodily represents everything i know as purely good, innocent, and worth hoping for over to death. i went in with him so he wouldn't be scared; and now this house feels very empty and i go through my days without stopping, just taking care of business, not really stopping to appreciate life. i don't think i will ever value another non-human creature that way, which is sad only because oli's gone. there is comfort in nothing except that i trust my Creator is one who does not create life in order to destroy it. i've had, what? six family deaths? but i don't think it's until something you hold incredibly near to yourself, and have all your life, dies, does the temporal all feel a bit less stable.
decided that this place is working me out of itself, and therefore have made this plan: i will work here until my job ends, move to the place where i intend to attend school (probably mid june), get paid through august while i'm looking for a job, get an apartment with a friend, and do what i have to do. europe is nixed out of this plan, but no one was really excited about going to europe with me anyway. so i guess i will wait until...another day. but this means you can stop sending emails with demands of ransom or threats of blackmail in order to get me to move to california.
and now i'm off to either leave town or go to the movies by myself. i can't decide which.
end of part I.

Maria, I just met a girl named Maria . . .

BOOK

I want to leave Davis for a day. I have the truck now. Hey. This is on my to-read list. If anyone wants to read these along with me, please do so. I just finished the idiot and I have thoughts exploding my head, and then drifting away, nearly forgotten. So let me know if one of these sounds particularly interesting to you.
The Devils or Notes from the Underground (DOSTOEVSKY)
The Death of Ivan Ilych and/or Resurrection (TOLSTOY)
Dombey & Son (DICKENS)
The Bell Jar (PLATH)
A Farewell to Arms (HEMINGWAY)
Prolegomena to any Future Metaphysics (Kant, it's like 100 pages)
Mary's journals
The Everlasting Man (I have not yet read it. GAH. He is so good, everything he writes is so good.)
The Stranger or The Plague (CAMUS-these are pretty short, I hear)
Candide (VOLTAIRE-short)
Seriously, tell me if you will read one, and then we will talk and talk forever, about this book. Or read the Idiot. And exiles (who are not part of the nation-exiled from your home, not here, here you are welcome (some of you, some are unwelcome), but still not a part. We are the nation) write me email (Kevin, actually I think you are the only one) if you would like to read books, although I realize not everyone is as starved for good thought as I am.
But we played foosball tonight. And pool. I rocked their worlds at foosball.
I miss you guys. I will come down one of those weekends, but I'm really not sure about my schedule. But one of them, I will be free enough.
Goodnight, goodnight. I'm sailing away, set an open course for the virgin sea. Because I've got to be free, free to face the life that's ahead of me. We'll search for tomorrow on every shore. And I'll try, oh lord, I'll try, to carry on.
I look to the sea, reflections in the waves spark my memories; some happy, some sad. I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had. We live happily forever, so the story goes, but somehow we missed out on that pot of gold. But we'll try, best as we can, to carry on! (ROCK!) Come sail away with me.

Would you rather...

get caught picking your nose on the big screen at a major sold out sporting event or on a first date at a nice restaurant with someone very special?

This page was becoming a shrine to me

So I'm glad. We can make it a shrine to Mary. Mary, of course, started it, but that's alright. Who will pay attention to us if not ourselves?
Damn, Mary, you are old! You are as old as Matt when I started dating him and he was OLD then, that was not so long ago, and now YOU are that old.
Just kidding, 23 is not that bad. I thought I would get less interesting as I got older, I was right, it's coming true. These are my conversations:
Someone/Anyone: So, how was your weekend?
Me: Oh, fine. I spent it all tripping on acid and then dined with the president.
S/A: Wow, you are interesting!
Me: No shit.
Only that's not how it happens.

I'll post some pics of Mary later.

Me me me me Me ME ME ME

So, my birthday is exactly one month from today. Aren't we excited?

Moving

So I saw an apartment on bubbs that was cheap. if I share the room it will only be 220 plus utilities. Think- I could be living some where for cheaper than what I'm paying my mom. I want to do it, but I don't know if I should. Maybe I'll call Cecilia and see if she'd be interested in splitting. What do you guys think? Vote now: thumbs up or thumbs down?

we have to put oliver down tomorrow.

NAOMI IS HOT HOT HOT

and the boys know it.
Raar!

B gave me makeup for Christmas

Should I use it? This is the dilemma- to give in to the superficiality of others and be noticed, or go on not putting time into things that I think are a waste of time. But the boy thought I was gay, and I could hardly blame him, I hide my femininity behind baggy pants and tangled hair. I uncovered my mirrors when he came over, I thought he might think that it was weird for a girl to cover her mirrors. I think it's weird that we stare at ourselves all the time. I hardly know what I look like, I'm as used to my face as I am to a blank sheet of paper. But perhaps there is some medium. I think I will wear tighter clothing, mini-skirts and ug-boots. And butterfly clips in my hair, and sparkly lip gloss, pink shirts with hearts that say 'princess' or 'daddy's girl.'

Jared once said that me and Wendy need to put ourselves 'out there' more, this was why we didn't have boyfriends. (This was Wendy pre-Mark, obviously) I think this is partly true. I'm afraid to call that boy back, he makes me nervous and I'm terrible on the phone, so I haven't. And we're friends, I know him pretty well, but I'm afraid to call him. I blame Biola, the lack of interaction between male and female has made me blush when I sit next to a boy because his pinky is only a couple inches away from mine. And the mere possibility of dating makes it impossible because I become freakishly giddy. And all of this happens with me having no clue if he's interested at all, it being somewhat inappropriate this early in our acquaintance to ask such a question. So I don't put myself out there, but I refuse to accept responsibility. I will blame Biola until I die a spinster.

I feel like I hardly know what is going on with everyone. Liz is applying to schools. She is writing essays. When do you go back Mary? Hang in there, hopefully you might make enough money this summer to move out. I'm sorry I have nothing better to say. And happy birthday to Molly.